the waiting is sweeter

First, a note: Yes, this post represents somewhat of a shift in my blog content. But it's been a long time coming. I've struggled with the "right" way to present a mix of decor posts alongside the other things that are going on inside my heart and mind. I get that it's a bit controversial to have a less-than-clear blog focus. But I've come to care a lot less about that, and am compelled to share from a deeper, more authentic place. I don't have any idea what the balance will be like going forward - I'll absolutely still be posting about decor, and I expect more posts like this one will be sprinkled in. I just know it's time, and I'm excited.

from our trip to Manoa Falls, Oahu, December 2015

from our trip to Manoa Falls, Oahu, December 2015

When I can't see, when I don't know the way to take or even the next step, when the way that once seemed clear is now fuzzy and full of questions, I will come back. Back to the place of surrender. To reminding myself that I'm so far from having it all together. That although I may feel capable at times, fulfillment is an illusion if He's not the source. Unless my direction flows from the place of His prompting, it reaches a point of emptiness. My energized striving that feels so good at the start only leaves me deflated and right back where I started. And I come to His feet again. And I rest. And I listen. I'm still and longing for a nudge, a settling, a knowing. And I realize that the waiting - no matter how long - is sweeter than the empty attempts at winning on my own. That His being with me, next to me, surrounding me - is all I really need. So when it all comes crashing and crushing in, I will dig in. And I will wait. Although waiting doesn't necessarily answer the demanding questions, and forces me to set down my own plans and lists and great ideas, my open palms find that peace again. My heart shifts from stubborn, impatient and frustrated to a steady beat that is contently in step with His. In my surrender there is hope and joy and rest, and isn't that what I've been longing for all along? 

I will go before you and make the rough places smooth… I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name. - Isaiah 45:2-3